Today is the day

It’s a sunny Friday afternoon. Work is slow and I just decided to tell parents about everything. My stomache felt tumbling since noon and I knew I could not hold this to myself anymore.

We went to Mercurys coffee and ordered a couple drinks. It’s my first time here with all noisy crowds around us - typical Friday afternoon scene. I was magically calm though, as if knowing how it would go and it did go as I expected.

I started sharing the story and E had tears in her eyes. My parents’ faces looked pale and miserable. I had to finish everything in one go and for a moment I wondered if it was too much information for them to digest all at once.

Their reaction was expected to be honest. They started talking about all the efforts we had invested in this family and how sad it would be if it fell apart. They talked about responsibilities in raising kids and what I “should” do and “should not” do - egos, egos I told to myself. They strongly advised us to keep the family intact and functioning as it has been and I should just give up the idea of separation.

To my surprise, I did not feel pain or disappointment - being my parents for so long I had gotten to know them well. They would sacrifice everything for kids and family and I didn’t blame them. “I might pick something different” this thought came across my mind yet I also seriously considered “giving up”. Giving up all the possibilities that look so tempting while risky. I was a bit indecisive what E and I would do.

E is an amazing and wonderful person. I would be so sad if she really finds love and decides to leave. I do want to be loved, and knowing she loves me brings me comfort. While no longer loving her, I still treat her as family and reluctant to see her go - that’s the selfish part of me.